reflecting on a statement
│ I won't let some temporary emotional state of mind be the deciding factor in
│ anything meaningful.
-- me, circa June 2024
I made this statement last year while I was probably going through a chocolate withdrawal. As I think back on the last (nearly a) year, I think I've stuck to this. But I have allowed temporary emotional states to guide me towards potential options.
For example: I'm typing this on a Thinkpad x220 that I obtained by trading a small form-factor x86 (nuc-style) pc with a friend. I thought it would be fun to play with a device that might be libre-bootable. And I have a Thinkpad x200 that I got a few years ago with this aim in mind, but I suffered quite a few setbacks and failed batteries. I enjoyed the experience of playing with the x200 despite its various hardware failures and I let this juxtaposition of events to influence my choice and make the trade to get this x220. The longer-term justification was the educational experience. But the initial desire was based on the temporary and fleeting fun that I could have.
But this isn't terribly meaningful, it's just an example of a temporary emotional state of mind steering me towards a potential outcome. I'm okay with this. It was practice. I don't know what big decisions await me. I think most of the big decisions are behind me. I'm getting older, it happens.
I think there are two reasons for writing this statement: one, writing something that I'd hope for in others and so I'd aspire for it in myself. And two, the effects of chocolate and caffeine withdrawal change how I view the world. I want to make sure that no matter what might be temporarily affecting my emotional state, nothing but my own rational self should effect my future in the things that matter. Now I need to reflect on what it means for a thing to matter. There's too much wiggle room there.
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