Chapter 6: Into Action
· · ·
HAVING MADE our personal inventory, what shall we do about it? We have been
trying to get a new attitude, a new relationship with our Creator, and to
discover the obstacles in our path. We have admitted certain defects; we
have ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is; we have put our finger
on the weak items in our personal inventory. Now these are about to be cast
out. This requires action on our part, which, when completed, will mean that
we have admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact
nature of our defects. This brings us to the Fifth Step in the program of
recovery mentioned in the preceding chapter.
This is perhaps difficult---especially discussing our defects with another
person. We think we have done well enough in admitting these things to
ourselves. There is doubt about that. In actual practice, we usually find a
solitary self-appraisal insufficient. Many of us thought it necessary to go
much further. We will be more reconciled to discussing ourselves with
another person when we see good reasons why we should do so. The best reason
first: If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. Time after
time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their
lives. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier
methods. Almost invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest
of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is that
they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory all right, but
hung on to some of the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost
their egoism and fear; they only thought they had humbled themselves. But
they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty, in the
sense we find it necessary, until they told someone else all their life
story.
More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much
the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character. This is the
one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but
knows in his heart he doesn't deserve it.
The inconsistency is made worse by the things he does on his sprees. Coming
to his senses, he is revolted at certain episodes he vaguely remembers.
These memories are a nightmare. He trembles to think someone might have
observed him. As fast as he can, he pushes these memories far inside
himself. He hopes they will never see the light of day. He is under constant
fear and tension---that makes for more drinking.
Psychologists are inclined to agree with us. We have spent thousands of
dollars for examinations. We know but few instances where we have given
these doctors a fair break. We have seldom told them the whole truth nor
have we followed their advice. Unwilling to be honest with these sympathetic
men, we were honest with no one else. Small wonder many in the medical
profession have a low opinion of alcoholics and their chance for recovery!
We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or
happily in this world. Rightly and naturally, we think well before we choose
the person or persons with whom to take this intimate and confidential step.
Those of us belonging to a religious denomination which requires confession
must, and of course, will want to go to the properly appointed authority
whose duty it is to receive it. Though we have no religious connection, we
may still do well to talk with someone ordained by an established religion.
We often find such a person quick to see and understand our problem. Of
course, we sometimes encounter people who do not understand alcoholics.
If we cannot or would rather not do this, we search our acquaintance for a
close-mouthed, understanding friend. Perhaps our doctor or psychologist will
be the person. It may be one of our own family, but we cannot disclose
anything to our wives or our parents which will hurt them and make them
unhappy. We have no right to save our own skin at another person's expense.
Such parts of our story we tell to someone who will understand, yet be
unaffected. The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate
of others.
Notwithstanding the great necessity for discussing ourselves with someone,
it may be one is so situated that there is no suitable person available. If
that is so, this step may be postponed, only, however, if we hold ourselves
in complete readiness to go through with it at the first opportunity. We say
this because we are very anxious that we talk to the right person. It is
important that he be able to keep a confidence; that he fully understand and
approve what we are driving at; that he will not try to change our plan. But
we must not use this as a mere excuse to postpone.
When we decide who is to hear our story, we waste no time. We have a written
inventory and we are prepared for a long talk. We explain to our partner
what we are about to do and why we have to do it. He should realize that we
are engaged upon a life-and-death errand. Most people approached in this way
will be glad to help; they will be honored by our confidence.
We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character,
every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding
nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone
at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the
nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now
we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem
has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad
Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.
Returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour, carefully
reviewing what we have done. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that
we know Him better. Taking this book down from our shelf we turn to the page
which contains the twelve steps. Carefully reading the first five proposals
we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building an arch through
which we shall walk a free man at last. Is our work solid so far? Are the
stones properly in place? Have we skimped on the cement put into the
foundation? Have we tried to make mortar without sand?
If we can answer to our satisfaction, we then look at Step Six. We have
emphasized willingness as being indispensable. Are we now ready to let God
remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can
He now take them all---every one? If we still cling to something we will not
let go, we ask God to help us be willing.
When ready, we say something like this: "My Creator, I am now willing that
you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me
every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to
you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your
bidding. Amen." We have then completed Step Seven.
Now we need more action, without which we find that "Faith without works is
dead." Let's look at Steps Eight and Nine. We have a list of all persons we
have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we
took inventory. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self-appraisal. Now we
go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt to
sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on
self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this, we
ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to
any lengths for victory over alcohol.
Probably there are still some misgivings. As we look over the list of
business acquaintances and friends we have hurt, we may feel diffident about
going to some of them on a spiritual basis. Let us be reassured. To some
people we need not, and probably should not emphasize the spiritual feature
on our first approach. We might prejudice them. At the moment we are trying
to put our lives in order. But this is not an end in itself. Our real
purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people
about us. It is seldom wise to approach an individual, who still smarts from
our injustice to him, and announce that we have gone religious. In the prize
ring, this would be called leading with the chin. Why lay ourselves open to
being branded fanatics or religious bores? We may kill a future opportunity
to carry a beneficial message. But our man is sure to be impressed with a
sincere desire to set right the wrong. He is going to be more interested in
a demonstration of good will than in our talk of spiritual discoveries.
We don't use this as an excuse for shying away from the subject of God. When
it will serve any good purpose, we are willing to announce our convictions
with tact and common sense. The question of how to approach the man we hated
will arise. It may be he has done us more harm than we have done him and,
though we may have acquired a better attitude toward him, we are still not
too keen about admitting our faults. Nevertheless, with a person we dislike,
we take the bit in our teeth. It is harder to go to an enemy than to a
friend, but we find it much more beneficial to us. We go to him in a helpful
and forgiving spirit, confessing our former ill feeling and expressing our
regret.
Under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue. Simply we tell
him that we will never get over drinking until we have done our utmost to
straighten out the past. We are there to sweep off our side of the street,
realizing that nothing worthwhile can be accomplished until we do so, never
trying to tell him what he should do. His faults are not discussed. We stick
to our own. If our manner is calm, frank, and open, we will be gratified
with the result.
In nine cases out of ten the unexpected happens. Sometimes the man we are
calling upon admits his own fault, so feuds of years' standing melt away in
an hour. Rarely do we fail to make satisfactory progress. Our former enemies
sometimes praise what we are doing and wish us well. Occasionally, they will
offer assistance. It should not matter, however, if someone does throw us
out of his office. We have made our demonstration, done our part. It's water
over the dam.
Most alcoholics owe money. We do not dodge our creditors. Telling them what
we are trying to do, we make no bones about our drinking; they usually know
it anyway, whether we think so or not. Nor are we afraid of disclosing our
alcoholism on the theory it may cause financial harm. Approached in this
way, the most ruthless creditor will sometimes surprise us. Arranging the
best deal we can we let these people know we are sorry. Our drinking has
made us slow to pay. We must lose our fear of creditors no matter how far we
have to go, for we are liable to drink if we are afraid to face them.
Perhaps we have committed a criminal offense which might land us in jail if
it were known to the authorities. We may be short in our accounts and unable
to make good. We have already admitted this in confidence to another person,
but we are sure we would be imprisoned or lose our job if it were known.
Maybe it's only a petty offense such as padding the expense account. Most of
us have done that sort of thing. Maybe we are divorced, and have remarried
but haven't kept up the alimony to number one. She is indignant about it,
and has a warrant out for our arrest. That's a common form of trouble too.
Although these reparations take innumerable forms, there are some general
principles which we find guiding. Reminding ourselves that we have decided
to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given
strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal
consequences may be. We may lose our position or reputation or face jail,
but we are willing. We have to be. We must not shrink at anything.
Usually, however, other people are involved. Therefore, we are not to be the
hasty and foolish martyr who would needlessly sacrifice others to save
himself from the alcoholic pit. A man we know had remarried. Because of
resentment and drinking, he had not paid alimony to his first wife. She was
furious. She went to court and got an order for his arrest. He had commenced
our way of life, had secured a position, and was getting his head above
water. It would have been impressive heroics if he had walked up to the
Judge and said, "Here I am."
We thought he ought to be willing to do that if necessary, but if he were in
jail he could provide nothing for either family. We suggested he write his
first wife admitting his faults and asking forgiveness. He did, and also
sent a small amount of money. He told her what he would try to do in the
future. He said he was perfectly willing to go to jail if she insisted. Of
course she did not, and the whole situation has long since been adjusted.
Before taking drastic action which might implicate other people we secure
their consent. If we have obtained permission, have consulted with others,
asked God to help and the drastic step is indicated we must not shrink.
This brings to mind a story about one of our friends. While drinking, he
accepted a sum of money from a bitterly-hated business rival, giving him no
receipt for it. He subsequently denied having received the money and used
the incident as a basis for discrediting the man. He thus used his own
wrongdoing as a means of destroying the reputation of another. In fact, his
rival was ruined.
He felt that he had done a wrong he could not possibly make right. If he
opened that old affair, he was afraid it would destroy the reputation of his
partner, disgrace his family and take away his means of livelihood. What
right had he to involve those dependent upon him? How could he possibly make
a public statement exonerating his rival?
After consulting with his wife and partner he came to the conclusion that it
was better to take those risks than to stand before his Creator guilty of
such ruinous slander. He saw that he had to place the outcome in God's hands
or he would soon start drinking again, and all would be lost anyhow. He
attended church for the first time in many years. After the sermon, he
quietly got up and made an explanation. His action met widespread approval,
and today he is one of the most trusted citizens of his town. This all
happened years ago.
The chances are that we have domestic troubles. Perhaps we are mixed up with
women in a fashion we wouldn't care to have advertised. We doubt if, in this
respect, alcoholics are fundamentally much worse than other people. But
drinking does complicate sex relations in the home. After a few years with
an alcoholic, a wife gets worn out, resentful and uncommunicative. How could
she be anything else? The husband begins to feel lonely, sorry for himself.
He commences to look around in the night clubs, or their equivalent, for
something besides liquor. Perhaps he is having a secret and exciting affair
with "the girl who understands." In fairness we must say that she may
understand, but what are we going to do about a thing like that? A man so
involved often feels very remorseful at times, especially if he is married
to a loyal and courageous girl who has literally gone through hell for him.
Whatever the situation, we usually have to do something about it. If we are
sure our wife does not know, should we tell her? Not always, we think. If
she knows in a general way that we have been wild, should we tell her in
detail? Undoubtedly we should admit our fault. She may insist on knowing all
the particulars. She will want to know who the woman is and where she is. We
feel we ought to say to her that we have no right to involve another person.
We are sorry for what we have done and, God willing, it shall not be
repeated. More than that we cannot do; we have no right to go further.
Though there may be justifiable exceptions, and though we wish to lay down
no rule of any sort, we have often found this the best course to take.
Our design for living is not a one-way street. It is as good for the wife as
for the husband. If we can forget, so can she. It is better, however, that
one does not needlessly name a person upon whom she can vent jealousy.
Perhaps there are some cases where the utmost frankness is demanded. No
outsider can appraise such an intimate situation. It may be that both will
decide that the way of good sense and loving kindness is to let by-gones be
by-gones. Each might pray about it, having the other one's happiness
uppermost in mind. Keep it always in sight that we are dealing with that
most terrible human emotion---jealousy. Good generalship may decide that the
problem be attacked on the flank rather than risk a face-to-face combat.
If we have no such complication, there is plenty we should do at home.
Sometimes we hear an alcoholic say that the only thing he needs to do is to
keep sober. Certainly he must keep sober, for there will be no home if he
doesn't. But he is yet a long way from making good to the wife or parents
whom for years he has so shockingly treated. Passing all understanding is
the patience mothers and wives have had with alcoholics. Had this not been
so, many of us would have no homes today, would perhaps be dead.
The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others.
Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been
uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. We
feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough. He is like
the farmer who came up out of his cyclone cellar to find his home ruined. To
his wife, he remarked, "Don't see anything the matter here, Ma. Ain't it
grand the wind stopped blowin'?"
Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We must take the lead.
A remorseful mumbling that we are sorry won't fill the bill at all. We ought
to sit down with the family and frankly analyze the past as we now see it,
being very careful not to criticize them. Their defects may be glaring, but
the chances are that our own actions are partly responsible. So we clean
house with the family, asking each morning in meditation that our Creator
show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness and love.
The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. Unless one's family
expresses a desire to live upon spiritual principles we think we ought not
to urge them. We should not talk incessantly to them about spiritual
matters. They will change in time. Our behavior will convince them more than
our words. We must remember that ten or twenty years of drunkenness would
make a skeptic out of anyone.
There may be some wrongs we can never fully right. We don't worry about them
if we can honestly say to ourselves that we would right them if we could.
Some people cannot be seen---we send them an honest letter. And there may be
a valid reason for postponement in some cases. But we don't delay if it can
be avoided. We should be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble without
being servile or scraping. As God's people we stand on our feet; we don't
crawl before anyone.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed
before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new
happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We
will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far
down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit
others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will
lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will
change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will
intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will
suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for
ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among
us---sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we
work for them.
This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take
personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go
along. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past.
We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in
understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should
continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty,
resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them.
We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have
harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.
Love and tolerance of others is our code.
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone---even alcohol. For by this
time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If
tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and
normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see
that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or
effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not
fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had
been placed in a position of neutrality---safe and protected. We have not
even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for
us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is
how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our
laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We
are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve
contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day
when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How
can I best serve Thee---Thy will (not mine) be done." These are thoughts
which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this
line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.
Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, and
direction from Him who has all knowledge and power. If we have carefully
followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of His Spirit into us.
To some extent we have become God-conscious. We have begun to develop this
vital sixth sense. But we must go further and that means more action.
Step Eleven suggests prayer and meditation. We shouldn't be shy on this
matter of prayer. Better men than we are using it constantly. It works, if
we have the proper attitude and work at it. It would be easy to be vague
about this matter. Yet, we believe we can make some definite and valuable
suggestions.
When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we
resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept
something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at
once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better?
Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what
we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? But
we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection,
for that would diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review we
ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken.
On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our
plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking,
especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or
self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental
faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our
thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is
cleared of wrong motives.
In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to
determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an
intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't
struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have
tried this for a while. What used to be the hunch or the occasional
inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still
inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not
probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for
this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we
find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane
of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.
We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown
all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever
we need to take care of such problems. We ask especially for freedom from
self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask
for ourselves, however, if others will be helped. We are careful never to
pray for our own selfish ends. Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing
that and it doesn't work. You can easily see why.
If circumstances warrant, we ask our wives or friends to join us in morning
meditation. If we belong to a religious denomination which requires a
definite morning devotion, we attend to that also. If not members of
religious bodies, we sometimes select and memorize a few set prayers which
emphasize the principles we have been discussing. There are many helpful
books also. Suggestions about these may be obtained from one's priest,
minister, or rabbi. Be quick to see where religious people are right. Make
use of what they offer.
As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for
the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer
running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will
be done." We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry,
self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not
tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we
were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.
It works---it really does.
We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God discipline us in the simple
way we have just outlined.
But this is not all. There is action and more action. "Faith without works
is dead." The next chapter is entirely devoted to Step Twelve.